prayers for layla grace...

i've been following the story of this sweet little girl for a couple weeks now. i heard about her from my old pastor who knows the family. he got to baptize her a couple weeks ago in their home over the kitchen sink. she is losing her battle with neuroblastoma. it is not looking good. but i have been encouraged by the family of God all around the world who have been offering prayers for layla and her family. even though healing may not come for layla on this side of earth, we can be encouraged that restoration and life comes for those who have faith in Christ. you can follow her story here: http://laylagrace.org/ (note: her mom writes very honestly and openly and beautifully... be prepared for tears)

say a prayer for peace and hope.

may update

i just realized... i haven't written in awhile. maybe cause life has been just a little crazy with my last quarter of grad school.

it turns out i am working at camp this summer after all. for awhile, they weren't sure they were going to be able to find an internship placement for me, so i got the okay for the summer job. i'll be serving the camp lone star summer staff this year as "administrative deaconess." (my guess is they were pretty excited when they came up with that for me) basically two parts: the administrative half consists of registration and helping plan off-site trips and special programming weeks. the deaconess part means i get to help and check in on Bible studies and just be there for counselors. all in all, it sounds like a pretty good gig.

one week after i finish at camp, i will be moving to dallas to serve my year long deaconess internship at linc north texas. no, i didn't spell linc wrong. it stands for lutheran inner-city network coalition. i'm pretty pumped about it. for one, i get to live in texas! two, i've only heard good things about linc and the leadership there. three, i asked for something outside the box and i definitely got it. four, i think it will be an internship a bit out of my comfort zone, so i'm excited to learn and grow. five, there is the possibility of some pretty cool roommates. so overall, i think God has been preparing me for what is just around the corner.

currently though, before either of those can happen, i have to get through my last three weeks of grad school. this consists of two presentations, a ten-page paper and my MA exam. i've been reading like crazy studying up on Christian education. i'm sure it'll be fine and not as difficult as i'm psyching myself up for it to be, i just don't want to have to retake it later down the road.

i have to start my goodbyes with the group home. they really have become like family. they might be the hardest to part with. those ten folks have forever stolen a piece of my heart. i don't even want to think about it.

on top of all this, i'm getting ready to leave the place i've called home for the past two years. not that i'm too upset about leaving st. louis, it is weird to think i may not see some of these people again. so it has become a balancing act between old friends and new friends and a boy friend (in addition to studying, field work, and camp prep). 

so needless to say, my mind has been going about a hundred miles a minute and will probably continue to do so for awhile. i'm ready to move on, but then other days, i want to cling to what i know. i feel like i've written this entry before and in a way, i have. i am not a stranger to change, but that doesn't make it any easier. i pray that God would calm my heart through it all and that He would be my strength and guide through these next transitions.

just a phone call

i wish i was getting a phone call this week...

i hate not knowing the future. really, it's ridiculous.

it stinks when you aren't sure if your will and God's will are going to matching up.

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal." Isaiah 26:3-4

i just pray that my prayers aren't selfish. but i will continue to pray the desires of my heart. 

when i should be doing homework...

this afternoon i attempted doing homework but my poor mind is going a million miles a minute. what does the Lord have instore for me a few months from now? here are some thoughts that keep coming up:

what type of ministry do i want to be a part of?
this i don't really know... but i know some pieces that are important.

important pieces (the musts whether i work in a church or organization):

• discipleship... people have an understanding and attempt to carry out what it means to follow Christ
• mentoring... people believe in the importance of matching up people to help others grow and have support through the journey of life
• outreach and service... people are involved in the community and meeting tangible needs of those who need
• sharing Christ to non-believers... people take seriously opportunities to share the Gospel with people who don't know Christ
• solid leadership... i want to be led and encouraged, not micromanaged
• good stewardship... people use and share the gifts God has given them and that even means boldly not storing up sometimes

so this might seem like a steep check list, but i think these things are important and good things to want when being a part of a ministry. the questions i'm asking myself now are:

• does it matter what age group i work with (youth, adults, families, elderly, all of the above)?
• does it matter where these things happen (inner city or suburb, texas or north dakota)?

many much things to pray about.

our new president

seriously, i about walked out of a room today when someone said the fact that obama was our president made them want to throw up.

i am so frustrated with people who refuse to look past such a tiny box that they have confined themselves to.

i don't necessarily agree with everything he says, but i didn't agree with everything the last guy said either.

i don't believe it is very loving to say things like that. if you didn't want him as president, you should have convinced more of your friends to vote for the other guy.

but today, obama is our president, the 44th president of the united states. if you don't like him, fine. if you don't agree with him, fine. at least give him a chance. and if nothing else, please be quiet and pray for him. pray for all the leaders of our nation that they would seek God's direction and will for the decisions they will be making. Lord knows, we as a country can use a little redirection.

Psalm 147

Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant, and a song of praise is fitting. The Lord builds up Jerusalem; he gathers the outcasts of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names. Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure. The Lord lifts up the humble; he casts the wicked to the ground. Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving; make melody to our God on the lyre! He covers the heavens with clouds; he prepares the rain for the earth; he makes grass grow on the hills. He gives to the beasts their food, and to the young ravens that cry. His delight is not in the strength of the horse, nor his pleasure in the legs of a man, but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love. (vv. 1-11)

world AIDS day

its not something we really talk that much about anymore... at least i don't. two weeks ago when i was in new orleans, ellee took us to the lazarus house to hang out for the afternoon. that's where i met michael.

michael is a beautiful and creative man. he told me of his travels. i think he has lived in more states than i have even visited. he'd stay a place a year or so and then move somewhere new. we shared stories of hiking in barton creek and swimming in the hamilton pool. michael has also has the most assorted resume of anyone i know. he's been a hair dresser, make up artist, window decorator (like for the big department stores), florist, children's fashion designer, and more (though i can't remember now). 

today, aids consumes his body. he has been living in the lazarus house for about a month and trying to get used to the new life. no longer able to travel as he pleases, he has come to the realization that it is time to plant some roots... at least until he regains his strength. his tiny frame didn't used to be so tiny, he told me. he's lost a lot of weight and he is shrinking too. 'i'm just not hungry anymore, not like i used to be,' he laments. 'sometimes medicine can do that to you,' i offer.

i didn't have much to offer michael that afternoon, just company and a listening ear. we had to keep moving our chairs to stay in the sun. he told me great stories of travels and things he had seen. he talked about friends lost and family distant. 

i'm thinking about michael today and so many others who are affected by aids. i pray that God be with them and help them to know they are not alone. i pray too that God will work miracles of healing and reconciliation and peace not just to those with aids, but to their families and friends as well.