Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts
Showing posts with label heart. Show all posts

Sunday, October 25

table for two

i got to hear derek webb tonight in concert. as much as he has changed over the years, i really appreciate when he takes a few minutes to play some old favorites. here is one of my top five caedmon's call songs... especially right now, it seems to speak straight to my heart...

Danny and I spent another late night over pancakes,
Talkin' 'bout soccer
And how every man's just the same
We made speculation
On the who's and the when's of
our futures
And how everyone's lonely
But still we just couldn't complain

And how we just hate being alone
Could I have missed my only chance
And now I'm just wasting my time
By looking around
But
you know I know better
I'm not gonna worry 'bout nothing
Cause if the birds and the flowers survive
Then I'll make it okay
I'm given a chance and a rock
see which one breaks a window
See which one keeps me up all night and into the day

Because
I'm so scared of being alone
That I forget what house I live in

But it's not my job to wait by the phone
For her to call

Well this day's been crazy
But everything's happened on schedule
from the rain and the cold
To the drink that I spilled on my shirt
'Cause
You knew how You'd save me
before I fell dead in the garden

And You knew this day
long before You made me out of dirt

And You know the plans that You have for me
And You can't plan the end and not plan the means
And so I suppose
I just need some peace
Just to get me to sleep.

Friday, October 23

some days you can't win

i am attempting to get involved more in my community. some days it works better than others. and some days i just shouldn't tell anyone about it. good ol' facebook can often post things that you 'attend' or 'like' or whatever, leaving you wide open for other people's opinions on your involvement. and i am not exempt from this... two examples:


the dallas/ft. worth area has an interesting movement of about 21 churches who are teaming together to encourage people to consider not thinking of themselves first, hence "i am second" to Christ. i'm a huge college football fan and to see these two guys make such a statement of faith, i was really encouraged. maybe someone who wouldn't consider Christianity before might just listen because of these guys and the many others who have share their life stories. anywho, i got this response to the post:

"Too bad it's a theology of glory. We aren't called to be "second" we are called to be last - to be the servant of all. God uses the foolish things of this world to shame the wise, the weak to shame the mighty, the poor starving child to shame the gloried football player."

now, i don't disagree with this person's comment, but still i believe it's a start. i want to hope and pray that even a testimony such as this can be used to God's glory that more people would know the hope and salvation that comes from Christ alone.


this is another collaborative movement of area churches that are calling this city to care for the orphaned and widowed, the homeless and poor. if i am learning anything this year in dallas, it is the importance of collaboration, even across denominational lines. and it is a beautiful thing to be a part of. and here is the comment i got when it posted that i would be attending:

"We need to love and serve the poor; we need to thirst for social justice - and we need to remember that the poorest of the poor is the unborn child who cries out for protection. There can be no social justice while the weakest and most innocent among us are legally killed." - Archbishop of Denver Charles Chaput O.F.M.

again, i don't necessarily disagree with the quote, but i think we are missing the point. why do we have to make being a follower of Christ about something else. i'm slowly figuring out we all have 'our thing.' i'm excited to be part of hundreds of churches and thousands of people who are teaming together to create housing for the homeless and mentor kids in schools. maybe that will cut down on abortion. there is more than one way to fight and defend the voiceless. i'll start by talking to the mothers in the first place.

Tuesday, September 29

my first month

so i've been in dallas for a little over a month now and i finally feel like i am beginning to settle in. this is the linc team. after over a week of training away from the team, i have been in the office for about three weeks now. i have to say i laugh more with this group of people than i have with any group in a long time. it is amazingly refreshing to be around young, passionate people. i know i have a lot to learn about ministry from them and what it truly means to serve the least of these.
last weekend i got to go to christine and rylan's wedding. it had to be one of the most fun and Christ-centered weddings i've ever been blessed to be a part of. for one, the music in the ceremony was phenomenal and it truly told the story of their love for each other and for their Lord. the reception was a blast. i was glad to put my 'single ladies' dance skills to work but also to laugh and dance with everyone. there is nothing better than mini camp reunions.
sunday, we took m to his first baseball game. we know m from the new hope area and the community meetings that are going on in his neighborhood. al had some free ranger tickets, so we went and had so much fun. nothing like a hot afternoon, watching baseball, eating pretzels and lemon freezes, and watching m run the bases at the end. it was a good day.

it's been a month of processing and figuring out this new area, new friends, new life. i'm blessed beyond belief by the friends i have here already and the new friendships that have been forming. it is incredible to look at where i have been and how i have grown in the past few years. stepping into a new environment really has allowed me to see those changes. i love being able to read and think through issues that have been on the back burner for awhile. it is exciting to make new and healthy decisions for life here. all in all, it has been a good first month.

Tuesday, May 5

may update

i just realized... i haven't written in awhile. maybe cause life has been just a little crazy with my last quarter of grad school.

it turns out i am working at camp this summer after all. for awhile, they weren't sure they were going to be able to find an internship placement for me, so i got the okay for the summer job. i'll be serving the camp lone star summer staff this year as "administrative deaconess." (my guess is they were pretty excited when they came up with that for me) basically two parts: the administrative half consists of registration and helping plan off-site trips and special programming weeks. the deaconess part means i get to help and check in on Bible studies and just be there for counselors. all in all, it sounds like a pretty good gig.

one week after i finish at camp, i will be moving to dallas to serve my year long deaconess internship at linc north texas. no, i didn't spell linc wrong. it stands for lutheran inner-city network coalition. i'm pretty pumped about it. for one, i get to live in texas! two, i've only heard good things about linc and the leadership there. three, i asked for something outside the box and i definitely got it. four, i think it will be an internship a bit out of my comfort zone, so i'm excited to learn and grow. five, there is the possibility of some pretty cool roommates. so overall, i think God has been preparing me for what is just around the corner.

currently though, before either of those can happen, i have to get through my last three weeks of grad school. this consists of two presentations, a ten-page paper and my MA exam. i've been reading like crazy studying up on Christian education. i'm sure it'll be fine and not as difficult as i'm psyching myself up for it to be, i just don't want to have to retake it later down the road.

i have to start my goodbyes with the group home. they really have become like family. they might be the hardest to part with. those ten folks have forever stolen a piece of my heart. i don't even want to think about it.

on top of all this, i'm getting ready to leave the place i've called home for the past two years. not that i'm too upset about leaving st. louis, it is weird to think i may not see some of these people again. so it has become a balancing act between old friends and new friends and a boy friend (in addition to studying, field work, and camp prep). 

so needless to say, my mind has been going about a hundred miles a minute and will probably continue to do so for awhile. i'm ready to move on, but then other days, i want to cling to what i know. i feel like i've written this entry before and in a way, i have. i am not a stranger to change, but that doesn't make it any easier. i pray that God would calm my heart through it all and that He would be my strength and guide through these next transitions.

Friday, March 6

just a phone call

i wish i was getting a phone call this week...

i hate not knowing the future. really, it's ridiculous.

it stinks when you aren't sure if your will and God's will are going to matching up.

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal." Isaiah 26:3-4

i just pray that my prayers aren't selfish. but i will continue to pray the desires of my heart. 

Saturday, February 14

11 days

today, i really miss texas.

i miss my best friend.
i miss being able to be in the same stinkin' room as people i love.
i miss the roomies like it's going out of style.
i miss two-steppin' and texas country.
i miss hiking in the greenbelt.
i miss camp.
i miss people singing and playing guitar just cause they can.
i miss my family.
i miss good mexican food.
i miss drinking shiner with my dad.
i miss talking about life with mom.
i miss picking on my big little brother.
i miss the warm weather and the sunshine.
i miss my church.

i miss being myself.

Sunday, January 11

Psalm 147

Praise the Lord! For it is good to sing praises to our God; for it is pleasant, and a song of praise is fitting. The Lord builds up Jerusalem; he gathers the outcasts of Israel. He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars; he gives to all of them their names. Great is our Lord, and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure. The Lord lifts up the humble; he casts the wicked to the ground. Sing to the Lord with thanksgiving; make melody to our God on the lyre! He covers the heavens with clouds; he prepares the rain for the earth; he makes grass grow on the hills. He gives to the beasts their food, and to the young ravens that cry. His delight is not in the strength of the horse, nor his pleasure in the legs of a man, but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love. (vv. 1-11)

Thursday, November 13

to any girl who needs a blessing...

Beloved daughter, we have arrived at the time of life where I cannot give you everything you want and need. We have come to the time where you must learn to walk alone. That is hard for me, but it is right and good. It is the way things should be.

Listen to me now, for there are things I want to tell you as you stand, trembling, on the edge of womanhood.

I know that boys have become fascinating and mysterious to you. They live in a strange world of their own, the world of young men. It is a world of new muscles and deepening voices. It is a world of astonishing energy and physical movement. I know your eyes are drawn to them. I know your heart beats faster when you watch them. And I know you dream of a boy who will love you.

I also know there are girls at school who giggle and fawn over the boys. They lean in close, laughing hysterically at something he said and letting their shoulders bump. They know how to let their hand rest gently on his shoulder or his thigh, just for a moment. Just long enough. No, I do not know where they learned to play this game so well.

Now, my young woman. Now have come the days of your choosing. You are both discovering and deciding what kind of woman you will be. You are deciding what of your life will be hidden and what you will show. Choose carefully, for what shames you now may serve you one day. And what serves you now may one day make you ashamed. Many girls will lose themselves in this time. They may find themselves again someday, but many years will be lost.

Hear me now, daughter, for my place in your life grows smaller every day. And I would give you a blessing while I am able. Come to me, because I know you. I know that you still sleep with your blanket. I saw the Dr. Seuss book laying beside your bed. I know you have one foot in each world. Come to me now and receive my blessing.

You are a strong young woman. Your mind is strong, as are your opinions. Strong and well-formed. You have not traded what is precious for what is fleeting, though life these days would have been easier in some ways if you had.

You are a tender young woman, compassionate and kind. You believe in goodness and work for it. You care about the feelings of others. You are a loyal and faithful friend. You are brave enough to trust others, and others are not afraid to trust you.

Your faith in God is not simple or falsely stated. Your understanding of God is a growing, hurting, questioning, struggling thing. This too is as it should be.

You are a young woman who knows what love is. You have been loved and are loved. You understand love and will settle for nothing less. You will accept no facsimile, reasonable or otherwise. Listen to your heart when it comes to love, because your heart is as soft now as it was when you were young and your heart rested gently in my hands. I guarded that heart as long as I could.

Those are the things I know about you. Here is what I think you should do:

Walk the halls of your school with your head held high. While others may worship at the altars of camouflage, conformity, and compromise, you stand above those shortcuts and soul slayers. Rise up, young woman, and do not be afraid. Rise up and be true to yourself. Let the strength of your presence transcend hair and clothing and music and boys. Let your true colors show in the halls and know that many in high school have scales on their eyes. They only see what they want to see. Many will not see you. There will be times when you walk the halls and feel invisible.

But here is a secret that I know. One boy will see you. He will see you in the middle of the noise and the energy and the hype and the crowds. He will see your strong walk and your eyes. He will listen to the answers you boldly call out in class. He will hear your voice and know your power. He will watch you until he knows you, and then his heart will fall into his stomach, for he will understand that there is only one like you.

Look for him. He is the only one that matters. Do not listen to boys who say they love you. Instead believe in the boy who wants to cherish you. If you hide now, ducking into the crowd like so many others, dressing and looking and acting and praying for safety, you might indeed be safe, but the only boy that matters will miss you. He will miss you because he is looking for a girl like no other. And you will have become just another girl in the crowd.

Your heart now rests in the hands of those who might hurt you. That’s hard for me, but it could not be any other way because you would not leave your heart in my hands. If I must give up your heart, then listen to my words.

Stand up. Stand out. Be smart and strong. It may be some time before you find the one who can appreciate who you are. So be it. Settle for nothing less. Because if your heart must rest in the hands of another man, I want him to be a man strong enough to love a strong woman.

Go into the world, my string of pearls. Go into the world and make me proud.

Daddy.


(I found this at realivepreacher. He wrote this for his 15 year old daughter, but I was surprised at how encouraging it was to me... Hopefully it will do the same for you, dear friends.)

Sunday, November 9

i ache...


this is my heart.


searching.
calling.
yearning.
crying.
reaching.
aching.

for all things true.

for truth.


this is my heart.


melanie weidner www.listenforjoy.com