beautiful

Beautiful (Bethany Dillon)
I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

[Chorus]
I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

[Chorus]

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful



self image is a bitch and i don't say that lightly. it seems so trite the little things that can get under your skin. for instance, today when the lunch line guy sees you with a cookie and says, "you better watch out there, girl." and granted, maybe he was talking about a puddle of water on the floor that i might have slipped on or something more obscure. regardless of what he was or wasn't talking about, my mind immediately jumped to "crap, i'm fat and other people notice." and how do you fight those feelings? not being fit enough or pretty enough or smart enough or good enough with anything. i hate it. it is so demoralizing (if that is even the right word that i want to use). and i write this not in hopes that people are going to rush and tell me how great i am or whatever. it's an honest confession that i struggle with self image way more than i would ever want to let on. and i don't understand why. i don't know why i feel the need to constantly compare myself to other people. i know that God has made us so unique, but in my heart, i still feel like i have to measure up. i need to be accepted. but by whom? i wish that i could recognize my beauty in Christ and leave it at that. but that seems so cliche to say. it takes so much to convince myself that God makes me beautiful and that who i am is enough for him. God loves me and died for me, the sinner that i am. yet i still yearn for the acceptance from worldly standards that don't understand beauty in quite the same way. so i don't really know what i'm trying to say or even trying to process, other than i want to be beautiful... really beautiful.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4