freedom

freedom. it has been on my mind for a good while. i've had this blank entry saved for a long time, as i've tried desperately to put my mind around this idea of freedom. and still, even today, i'm not sure what i want to say about it. i'd like to believe that it is something that i experience, but i'm hesitant to say that is the case.

i've had people tell me that i'm not free. though they have never really cared to elaborate or put that in quantifiable terms. which frustrates me alot! i want to be free. i want to experience freedom. but if can't figure out what exactly i'm being held captive to and no one is telling me... i'm not sure how i'm going to know. and moreso, i'm not sure how i'm going to fix it. or be free.

obviously the first passage that comes to mind is john 8:31-32: "to the jews who had believed him, Jesus said, 'if you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.'" so if i hold to Christ's teaching, that makes me a disciple. and if i'm a disciple, then i know the truth. and if i know the truth, then i'm free. i feel like it's some math equation... i think i understand it as well as i understand e=mc2

from romans 8:18-21 : "i consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. the creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. for the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God." so through our sufferings comes freedom from bondage...

i believe and know that i am free from sin and death and the power of the devil through Christ's death and resurrection. i am confident that Christ has done it all and i have no power to free myself. but i don't understand why i don't feel free. why people think something is still holding my soul captive...